I am a very motivated person by nature. When I was young I relished the opportunity to participate in sports and experienced some great success. I was driven and competitive. In my adult life, I'm a salesman. I carry a quota. I'm compensated on how I perform against a goal. I have lots of interests and am always trying to find a new niche to be successful in. I'm always pushing myself to achieve something more.
But what is it that I'm actually striving for? How will I know when I'm truly successful?
If I look at myself in the worldly way, my record is mixed. I've had some successes and some serious setbacks, and to be honest, my setbacks have come in the areas that I most desperately wanted to succeed in.
Here are some examples:
1. Sports career: Ended for health reasons in the 10th grade. Never able to reach my full potential.
2. Mission. Was sick the whole time and experienced serious challenges to my faith and testimony.
3. Marriage. Ended in divorce after 23 years and six children.
I could go on about my setbacks but I don't want to. How would it help? If I look again at those same setbacks I can find enormous success..
1. Sports Career. Learned to drive forward to reach difficult goals. Learned the value of teamwork.
2. Mission. Learned compassion and love for different kinds of people. Learned to not be so hard on myself.
3. Marriage. Became a father of 6 incredible human beings who have brought great love and joy to my life.
How would you judge my success based on these observations?
Well, if you look at what I value most which is my relationship with God, my family, and my own consistent progress, I can say I have done well. I am, what I would consider, a success.
When I look around me, there will always be people who seem to be more successful. They may be more financially rewarded, they may be better tennis players, they may have solid and loving marriages, they may have this and that and the list could go on and on.
The conditions on this earth are never exactly the same for any of us. We have our own unique personalities, our own unique strengths and weaknesses. Also, our opportunities vary as well.
Here's another example:
There are two salesmen that work for ABC company. Salesman #1 has an incredible year. He blows out his number. Salesman #2 works hard but comes up short, 5% below his number for that same year. Does logic dictate that salesman #1 is automatically more successful? Not necessarily. A lot has to do with circumstances, individual conditions in their territories, funding etc. etc.
What really counts for us as it relates to true success is what we do with what we are given. That's what the Lord will judge us on. What did I do with the hand I've been dealt? We each have opportunities no matter what setbacks we have suffered. What are we going to do now with those opportunities?
In many ways, divorce from a difficult and painful marriage is in reality, a fantastic opportunity to reinvent, rebuild, and to do things we could never do before.
Would I have ever have written this blog if it weren't for my divorce? Would I have ever met the hundreds of beautiful people I've met now, if I had stayed in my difficult marriage? The answer is no and the real truth is that I am successful and so are you if you choose to see it and you choose to make it a reality.
Let's make it a reality. Define what is truly important and go for it. There is no question that we will all be successful.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Saturday, March 19, 2016
My Growing Satisfaction Since Life Turned
So what else have I learned from my experiences so far post divorce?
A lot.
It's been about 2 and half years now since the divorce. I must say that I'm in a much more peaceful place than before. I'm healthier physically, more at peace emotionally, recovered significantly financially from the trauma suffered. A little time has been my friend. I look back and feel good about how far I've come. I can take a sigh of relief and congratulate myself and thank Heavenly Father for His tender mercies. I'm doing as well as can be expected. I can respect myself. Miles have been traversed.
I used to look at others and see how successful their lives appeared to be. They seemed to float along with no opposition while I was always struggling with so many challenges. "So much more opportunity and reward" I would think to myself. "Why not me?" The red in me drives me on. I was born with it. It's a good thing. But what I've come to realize is that despite all my temporary losses, I've done my best with the opportunities that I've been given. I've made the most of them. That is the definition of success for me. All our circumstances and opportunities are different. That's just the way it is.
One circumstance is that I'm single. There is nothing wrong with being single. It's just not where I want to stay ultimately. I still feel the missing piece of the puzzle since my divorce, but my concept of time and timing has expanded. The urgency has tapered off. My kids have to be considered strongly in the equation. A favorable set of circumstances must be brought into alignment in order for me to have a companion again. All I can do is prepare and wait upon the Lord. I believe he will help me, that he is helping me. I am doing my part. I am not passive. My kids are preparing also. They have adjusted to their lives as children with parents living separately. They are open. They are resilient. When things are right, we will be ready.
I thought for awhile that I couldn't love again, that I would be riding on an endless carousel of meetings but never be able to love or deepen my relationships. I've since learned that there is nothing wrong with my heart.
People ask me why I'm not married already, why I don't have someone. "Surely you're a unicorn!" they say, a divorced LDS man that is still on the path "That's rare" they tell me. "You can have your pick" they tell me. "The odds are all in your favor" they tell me. "You are just too picky."
Well it's not all as easy as they think. I'm a thoughtful one, not given to rushing. I'm also cautious. I've gone through the ultimate rejection. I choose to reject that rejection. It will not define me nor will it stop me from loving again, but it will make me more cautious and more observant than ever I was before. I have a lifetime of experience now and I will use it. I'm interested in something that will last. I'll be darned if I will accept being underappreciated or disrespected again. I have a radar to it now.
In the meantime I work and I raise my kids. I play tennis. I go dancing. I fulfill my callings. I say my prayers. I try to help those around me. I live a productive life.
I will say that as a single man, I don't stay home. I actively date and go to social events. Staying home would be the death of me. I'm not made that way. When I go to these events I don't think about meeting my future wife too much there. I go to have fun and to enrich my life with friends and experiences. I have a choice. If I'm lucky enough to meet someone I'm interested in, I'll pursue it. But for me, to willingly deny myself of these experiences would only depress me and leave me more open to temptation and my own weaknesses. I refuse to do that. It's a part of my life that needs to be nourished just as my physical body needs to be nourished and my spirit needs to be nourished. I believe it is what the Lord expects.
What about you my brothers and sisters? Are you growing as well? Please respond and let us all know. How long has it been and how have you grown since your life turned?
Blessings to all! Upward and onward!
A lot.
It's been about 2 and half years now since the divorce. I must say that I'm in a much more peaceful place than before. I'm healthier physically, more at peace emotionally, recovered significantly financially from the trauma suffered. A little time has been my friend. I look back and feel good about how far I've come. I can take a sigh of relief and congratulate myself and thank Heavenly Father for His tender mercies. I'm doing as well as can be expected. I can respect myself. Miles have been traversed.
I used to look at others and see how successful their lives appeared to be. They seemed to float along with no opposition while I was always struggling with so many challenges. "So much more opportunity and reward" I would think to myself. "Why not me?" The red in me drives me on. I was born with it. It's a good thing. But what I've come to realize is that despite all my temporary losses, I've done my best with the opportunities that I've been given. I've made the most of them. That is the definition of success for me. All our circumstances and opportunities are different. That's just the way it is.
One circumstance is that I'm single. There is nothing wrong with being single. It's just not where I want to stay ultimately. I still feel the missing piece of the puzzle since my divorce, but my concept of time and timing has expanded. The urgency has tapered off. My kids have to be considered strongly in the equation. A favorable set of circumstances must be brought into alignment in order for me to have a companion again. All I can do is prepare and wait upon the Lord. I believe he will help me, that he is helping me. I am doing my part. I am not passive. My kids are preparing also. They have adjusted to their lives as children with parents living separately. They are open. They are resilient. When things are right, we will be ready.
I thought for awhile that I couldn't love again, that I would be riding on an endless carousel of meetings but never be able to love or deepen my relationships. I've since learned that there is nothing wrong with my heart.
People ask me why I'm not married already, why I don't have someone. "Surely you're a unicorn!" they say, a divorced LDS man that is still on the path "That's rare" they tell me. "You can have your pick" they tell me. "The odds are all in your favor" they tell me. "You are just too picky."
Well it's not all as easy as they think. I'm a thoughtful one, not given to rushing. I'm also cautious. I've gone through the ultimate rejection. I choose to reject that rejection. It will not define me nor will it stop me from loving again, but it will make me more cautious and more observant than ever I was before. I have a lifetime of experience now and I will use it. I'm interested in something that will last. I'll be darned if I will accept being underappreciated or disrespected again. I have a radar to it now.
In the meantime I work and I raise my kids. I play tennis. I go dancing. I fulfill my callings. I say my prayers. I try to help those around me. I live a productive life.
I will say that as a single man, I don't stay home. I actively date and go to social events. Staying home would be the death of me. I'm not made that way. When I go to these events I don't think about meeting my future wife too much there. I go to have fun and to enrich my life with friends and experiences. I have a choice. If I'm lucky enough to meet someone I'm interested in, I'll pursue it. But for me, to willingly deny myself of these experiences would only depress me and leave me more open to temptation and my own weaknesses. I refuse to do that. It's a part of my life that needs to be nourished just as my physical body needs to be nourished and my spirit needs to be nourished. I believe it is what the Lord expects.
What about you my brothers and sisters? Are you growing as well? Please respond and let us all know. How long has it been and how have you grown since your life turned?
Blessings to all! Upward and onward!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)