Well, it finally happened. My oldest daughter, my first born, was married last week in the Salt Lake Temple.
I can't tell you about the whirlwind of emotions I experienced, mostly positive, that I experienced that day. This has been a long time coming. I've been a Dad for almost 23 years. It's become ingrained in my being and is part of my eternal identity now. I have to admit, I miss hearing her melodic voice echoing through my apartment as often as it used to.
After she came home from her mission, she had a short stint living in an apartment at college. A few months later she moved in with me in order to save money, spend time with her Dad, and to heal both physically and emotionally before her wedding.
She had a tough, but beautiful mission, but came home sick and is still suffering from some of the after affects. She also came home to a situation that was completely different from the one she left. The home she grew up in had been sold. Her parents were no longer married. Her brothers and sisters were traveling back and forth between her parents' homes and the list goes on. There were many adjustments that she had to make and these were not of her own choosing, and they were hard.
I must say it was a true joy and blessing to have her with me. She is very special to me. I remember all her growing up. I remember her birth at the hospital during a snow storm in January and how we brought her home, wrapped her up like a burrito and put her on the kitchen table for minute or two to admire her. She was new life, a new spirit brought to earth, sent to us to care for and nurture. I took that job very seriously and still do.
At the temple, I saw how my little girl had grown up to be such a beautiful young woman, the picture of a new bride, innocent and pure, dressed in white.
I was privileged to be a witness in the sealing room of the temple for the wedding. I heard the words the sealer spoke. They were full of love and spirit. The significance of the words transcended this earth. They were eternal in nature and incorporated the destiny of a husband and wife joined together as one beyond this life. That is the true nature of the marriage relationship and the desire of God for all of us. These blessings are contingent upon a couple keeping their promises to God and accepting him as the other most important partner in the new relationship.
I must admit that I couldn't hold back a few tears as the sealer spoke about how my patriarchal responsibility for my daughter was now being transferred to my daughter's new husband. It was a strange but beautiful feeling. I understand how a man or woman must leave their father and mother and become one in a new and everlasting covenant of marriage. It is right and proper and a beautifully ordained path, and one that can and should lead to true fulfillment and happiness.
I couldn't help but to desire that blessing again in my own life. I made the covenant before but it did not remain in force for reasons outside of my control. I know that in the economy of God, that my blessings are intact because I have kept my covenant with Him and as long as I remain faithful, I will enjoy all the blessings. I know that and I have hope in a "better country" to come. (Hebrews 11) I do not doubt that the Lord is merciful.
It was a true blessing to witness the marriage of my daughter to her new husband. It was good to hear the sacred words again and to know that my daughter and her partner have a true foundation and I have no doubt that they will be successful in this great new endeavor of love and commitment. I am a truly a blessed father.
Upward and onward friends! Let's cherish these moments in our lives, for they are rare and sacred.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Advice to My Future Sons in Law
So you're telling me you love my daughter and you want to take the next step with her. You want to be with her forever. Am I hearing that right? Did I misunderstand? No? Well, I guess I'm not surprised. You have excellent taste and I can't fault you for that. But now you're playing for keeps and all the time for game playing is in the distant past for you now. You are taking a huge step here. You are entering the real adult world and it's your time to grow into being the true man you were meant to be. Are you ready for that? Do you know what you are asking for? Do you know what you are getting yourself into? Yes, you say? Well of course you don't. You can't. Not until you actually experience it will you understand it. But there are a few things I want you to think about as you prepare for this next step. Read this now and remember it later. It will help you.
Know this: Marriage is not an experiment. People shack up all the time and live together in a so called experiment. They don't want to take the step to marriage with all its' commitments. They just want to enjoy the benefits of being married without the responsibility. So when things get challenging, they can just bug out and be done with it. Man, that is not the way I was raised and it is no where near the real truth. The real truth is the opposite. There is no real freedom and no real happiness without being willing to commit all the way to something greater than yourself and the marriage covenant is one thing that transcends you. So when you're in, you're in. Put your doubts away and commit 100%. Yes it will be hard, but yes it is worth it.
Remember that your Heavenly Father is the most important partner in your covenant relationship. Seek his guidance always and follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It will lead you the right way always. Remember that God is ready to bless your union. You will be blessed both temporally and spiritually as you follow the teachings of Christ together. You will be blessed in ways that you cannot conceive of now and you need to be aware and give thanks always when blessings come. You need to pray together and worship together. The Lord is a partner with you and will work with you to bring special children into the world. They are his children and he is giving you the blessing and sacred opportunity to raise them with him. You must always remember this and never forget it. Your greatest chance at happiness is to recognize your role as a husband, father, and son of God and to fulfill those roles to the best of your ability. Take it seriously and believe and you will be blessed.
Treat my daughter as an equal partner with you. Yes, it is your responsibility to lead your family in spiritual matters and to be the provider and protector of the home. This does not mean that you are in a higher position than my daughter. Her role is just as important as yours is. She has a brain and is intelligent. She has been raised well. She is strong. She is spiritual and is entitled to inspiration just as you are. She is a help meet, not a helpmate. She will have the blessing of motherhood. Being a mother is a very tough job and will be exhausting for her at times. Make sure that she gets some time to rest and to pursue and develop her talents too. Motherhood can become all consuming and she will need to have time just to be herself. Help her the best you can with that and it will pay dividends to you for the rest of your life.
Be the rock that she needs. You may not understand now how a wife looks to you to be her support on so many levels. She will be depending on you emotionally, spiritually, and temporally. This is not to say that she is weak. She isn't. You will be depending on her too for support, but you must know that a husband can provide a feeling of safety and security that is priceless to a woman. She needs to know that she can depend on you through all the trials of life; that when things go wrong, you will be there and that you two will work together to face them and conquer them. She also must never doubt your love and devotion to her.
I suggest you develop a calm demeanor. Don't let yourself get upset by the annoying things of life that almost always don't matter in the long run. Stay cool. When you disagree on something, which you will, discuss it as peacefully as possible. This doesn't mean that you have to always give in or acquiesce if you genuinely don't agree on something, but look for ways to compromise and look for win win solutions to challenges whenever possible.
You are embarking on a great adventure in life and what you do now and how you respond to the challenges will directly influence your happiness in this life and next. This is a real chance for you. If you are humble and teachable, the Lord will develop and progress you more than you can ever know. In a few short years will have so much life experience and will have learned so much that it will make your head spin.
Of course there is much more that I could say to you, but these are some of the most important things I wanted to convey to you now. Think about them. Remember them after you are married. You are making a new life with my precious daughter. Remember she is a daughter of God, not just my earthly daughter. Her worth is greater than I have words to describe. You are a lucky man. May the Lord bless you and give you a successful marriage as you do what is necessary to make your home a home of love and spirit.
I welcome you with open arms and an open heart full of love.
Welcome, my new sons!
Know this: Marriage is not an experiment. People shack up all the time and live together in a so called experiment. They don't want to take the step to marriage with all its' commitments. They just want to enjoy the benefits of being married without the responsibility. So when things get challenging, they can just bug out and be done with it. Man, that is not the way I was raised and it is no where near the real truth. The real truth is the opposite. There is no real freedom and no real happiness without being willing to commit all the way to something greater than yourself and the marriage covenant is one thing that transcends you. So when you're in, you're in. Put your doubts away and commit 100%. Yes it will be hard, but yes it is worth it.
Remember that your Heavenly Father is the most important partner in your covenant relationship. Seek his guidance always and follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It will lead you the right way always. Remember that God is ready to bless your union. You will be blessed both temporally and spiritually as you follow the teachings of Christ together. You will be blessed in ways that you cannot conceive of now and you need to be aware and give thanks always when blessings come. You need to pray together and worship together. The Lord is a partner with you and will work with you to bring special children into the world. They are his children and he is giving you the blessing and sacred opportunity to raise them with him. You must always remember this and never forget it. Your greatest chance at happiness is to recognize your role as a husband, father, and son of God and to fulfill those roles to the best of your ability. Take it seriously and believe and you will be blessed.
Treat my daughter as an equal partner with you. Yes, it is your responsibility to lead your family in spiritual matters and to be the provider and protector of the home. This does not mean that you are in a higher position than my daughter. Her role is just as important as yours is. She has a brain and is intelligent. She has been raised well. She is strong. She is spiritual and is entitled to inspiration just as you are. She is a help meet, not a helpmate. She will have the blessing of motherhood. Being a mother is a very tough job and will be exhausting for her at times. Make sure that she gets some time to rest and to pursue and develop her talents too. Motherhood can become all consuming and she will need to have time just to be herself. Help her the best you can with that and it will pay dividends to you for the rest of your life.
Be the rock that she needs. You may not understand now how a wife looks to you to be her support on so many levels. She will be depending on you emotionally, spiritually, and temporally. This is not to say that she is weak. She isn't. You will be depending on her too for support, but you must know that a husband can provide a feeling of safety and security that is priceless to a woman. She needs to know that she can depend on you through all the trials of life; that when things go wrong, you will be there and that you two will work together to face them and conquer them. She also must never doubt your love and devotion to her.
I suggest you develop a calm demeanor. Don't let yourself get upset by the annoying things of life that almost always don't matter in the long run. Stay cool. When you disagree on something, which you will, discuss it as peacefully as possible. This doesn't mean that you have to always give in or acquiesce if you genuinely don't agree on something, but look for ways to compromise and look for win win solutions to challenges whenever possible.
You are embarking on a great adventure in life and what you do now and how you respond to the challenges will directly influence your happiness in this life and next. This is a real chance for you. If you are humble and teachable, the Lord will develop and progress you more than you can ever know. In a few short years will have so much life experience and will have learned so much that it will make your head spin.
Of course there is much more that I could say to you, but these are some of the most important things I wanted to convey to you now. Think about them. Remember them after you are married. You are making a new life with my precious daughter. Remember she is a daughter of God, not just my earthly daughter. Her worth is greater than I have words to describe. You are a lucky man. May the Lord bless you and give you a successful marriage as you do what is necessary to make your home a home of love and spirit.
I welcome you with open arms and an open heart full of love.
Welcome, my new sons!
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