Remembering My Family

After my last post I thought I had finished writing here.  I felt that I had I had come to the end of a phase or a chapter in my life, and in truth I think that I did come to that.  Maybe my epiphanies are not happening in rapid fire succession like they were before.  That is to be expected.  We have different phases of life and the Lord teaches us what we need to know at just precisely the right time and in just the right way for us.  I believe it is all calculated to bring about the greatest growth possible in the shortest amount of time.  We are given just as much as we are able to handle, here a little, there a little.  Little packets of knowledge and understanding come to us as needed.  That is how the Lord has always worked with me.  I think he works with everyone in a similar way though he may use different methods to accomplish his purposes.

I was in Denver on business last Thursday.  It was my birthday and I was looking forward to getting home.  I was filling up the tank of my rental car just outside the airport.  It was a little chilly and I wanted to get back in my car as soon as possible.  Just then, my cell phone started to vibrate and I looked down and saw a number I didn't recognize.  I answered.  On the line I heard a wonderful pair of voices singing me the "Las Mananitas" birthday song from Mexico.  If you don't speak Spanish here's the translation for you.

"These are the morning songs
 just like the ones that King David used to sing
 to all the lovely young maidens
 and because it is your birthday
we will now sing them to you.

Wake up my dear.  Wake up.
Look, the sun is already shining.
 The birds are singing happily their songs
and the moon in now hidden from our sight."

Happy Birthday to you!  Etc. Etc.

For the last 24 years, that is the song that my former father in law has sung to me in Spanish, only to me he is still my father in law.  He still tells me that I am his "Number 1" his "Numero Uno."  I was his first son in law.  I married his oldest daughter.  I have a whole other blog that came before this one where I tell my whole courtship story.  If you ever want to see what my former life was about, you can read it.  Just let me know and I'll send you the link.

While I was driving today, I felt a little tug on my heart to reach out to one of my former sister in laws.
"You need to talk to her about life in general and also about her relationship with her sister, your ex."  That was the feeling I had in my heart, so I listened and I called her.  We talked for about 45 minutes about a lot of things including her relationship with her sister, my ex wife.  After the talk was almost complete,  She told me how she had been crying just yesterday about what happened to our marriage and about losing me as a brother in law.  I was surprised and very moved.  I promised that I would be over to visit her and the family soon.  She told me that her mom would appreciate a phone call from me as well, that she was hurt that I hadn't communicated.

So I called her too.  She also was loving and caring towards me.  She was very encouraging as well and told me how I would completely heal in time and that she was so sorry for what happened between her daughter and me.  She told me that I was a kind and good man and a great father for my children.  She told me not to speak ill for the sake of the children.  She told me about all that had been going on in her life.  I apologized for not being in touch with her much since the divorce and that I still loved and cared for her.  I will now reach out to the rest of the in laws.

You know.  I still love them all.  They were very much a part of my life for 23 years.  There are countless experiences and memories that I have with them.  I saw them each as unique and special. Of course I saw their challenges and they saw mine, but we all loved each other.  I did my best to care for them.  I am so touched that they still value me and haven't forgotten me.

I know that not everyone's situation is the same as mine.  Not all in laws are so kind or believe us, but you know what?  We are not the only ones hurt by our divorces.  Our former extended families many times are heart broken too and just don't know how to reach out to us.  The time is coming when the Lord will prompt us to reach back out to them in his own time and in his own way.  Maybe at the right time, those relationships can be healed, at least with certain individuals.  We should take those opportunities as we are moved upon by the Holy Ghost.  Healing those breaches are also part of our own healing.

You know, relationships and the love we possess, are  a couple of examples of the very few things we can take with us when we leave this world.  On the other side, nothing else matters.  The same thing can be said of our existence in this world if the truth be told.  Faith, Hope and Charity.  Of these three Charity is the greatest, the pure love of Christ.  It never faileth.

May we all look for ways to build up the broken relationships surrounding our broken marriages. The Lord will show us the way.  As we heal our relationships, we heal our spirits.  It may not be an easy road, but if we seek to know our Father's will, he just may lead us to reestablish  and rebuild bridges that have been washed out.  Who knows?  We just need to be open enough to listen when he makes his will known to us.

Bless you brothers and sisters.  May we all feel the love of this Christmas season!  Love you all!

Turning Point

Well, a little more than a year has passed since my life was upended and I embarked on this new journey of discovery and learning.  It feels like this year has been packed with more experience and growth than any I can remember.  It feels like I've been through a crucible of sorts and I've gone through epiphany after epiphany to lead me to a much better country.

After I wrote my last post I had a feeling that something had changed, something had ended, or was different, as if I had completed a chapter.  I think I have.  I have processed so much.  I feel as though I have reset my life and now I'm poised to begin something new.  As I was talking to a good friend about this, she all of the sudden chimed in.

"You know what?  I think you've gone through the whole cycle of grief!"

"What?!"

"Ya.  You've gone through it. You've gone from denial to anger to sadness to acceptance to hope."

"Really?!"

"Yes.  Don't you see?"

Oh my gosh!  She's right again.  I really have gone through all those stages and didn't even realize it until she pointed it out, but it's all chronicled right here on the pages of this blog.  From the beginning to the last post, you can see my transformation from anguish to peace.  It's absolutely amazing.

I thought about writing more here.  I tried the other day to write something funny about dating or the search for a new partner, but I just couldn't.  That's not what this blog is about.  This blog is dedicated to healing.  The messages and the epiphanies in this blog are sacred and they show one man's journey to healing through the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Oh I know.  My healing is not yet complete.  I have more to learn.  Of course that is true, but my foundation is laid and I am building more and more each day.  I know I'll continue to have trials in life. I'll most likely cry again, but that's not what I'm focused on.  I'm focused on the Savior and moving forward.  I want to take my remaining days to use and dedicate to the Lord and helping my fellow man.

This blog was an attempt to turn something bitter into something sweet.  I feel that I have succeeded. The comments that I have received from family and friends have been so impactful and humbling and I am forever a better person because of my association with all of you.

I think I will give this blog a rest for a little while.  It may be that I find something new to write on this topic.  Maybe I'll start a new blog recording my new adventures.  I'm really not sure yet.  What I do know is that I'm so glad that I wrote this and I'm so glad that I'm traveling on the same road as you.

Let's keep it moving forward my friends.  We can do it and we'll never give up.