Weakness inside Strength: Ether 12:27

Today I'm going to open up to you a little.  I've got a confession to make.  I'm going to tell you about something that's both a strength and a weakness for me.

All my life I've been tender hearted.  Tender hearted in the fact that I'm sensitive.  Sensitivity can be good. Good because I love people.  I want to help people.  But sometimes, sensitivity causes you pain. Sometimes it hurts you when it shouldn't.

To give you some background,  I was the kid that would always get up and bear his testimony in my ward growing up.  I would take a Book of Mormon with me to school in the 6th grade and read it during breaks.  I gave a copy of the Book of Mormon to my librarian at my elementary school and challenged her to read it.  I watched the 10 Commandments movie with Charlton Heston when I was 7 and I wept when I saw the Angel of Death creeping over Egypt to take the first born.  I would not hesitate to share my beliefs with my friends and I even had some of them join the church.  I had a-lot of passion, a-lot spiritual desire, many spiritual dreams. Still do.

I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about this part of me.  It's who I was and who I am. Wasn't Jesus also sensitive?  Wasn't Joseph Smith?  If you study their lives you'll realize they were very sensitive as well. Can you imagine how lonely the Savior must have felt growing up as a child?  There was no one who could understand or really relate to him.  He could have been running the kingdom when he was 12. What were the other 12 year olds doing at that time?  Were they thinking the same thoughts as he was or feeling the same things?  Of course not.

Now my friends, I don't mean to infer that I'm anything like the Savior or Joseph Smith or any of the great prophets.  I mean that would be ridiculous.  I only say that I identify with them in their sensitivity, if only a tiny bit. I would say that I believe that I have been blessed spiritually by my sensitive nature and I don't intend to give that up.  It has served me very well throughout my life.

Where the rub comes, is the fact that this same strength opens me up to be hurt.  Hurt by people who would deceive or try to manipulate me.  I was naive when I was young.  Never thought that anyone would think evil or have ulterior motives.  I was always so hurt to find out that some people did have bad intentions, that they spoke behind my back or made fun of me or lied about me.  I know I was different than many and the different one always sticks out, especially when you're young.

I've come a long way since then.  I can read people much better now.  Can detect when people are selfish.  My job has given me a-lot of experience in this regard.  I'm a veteran now. But I'm not infallible.  I can still be deceived.  I can still be hurt. And I was hurt for many years.

I want to channel Brigham Young sometimes.  He always knew his business and didn't give a hoot what anyone else thought of him.  He just simply didn't have time for nonsense and he walked it all under his feet. He got stuff done and nothing knocked him off his game.   I don't yet have that strength, but I want it.

I'm determined to learn from my new life as a divorced man.  I'm determined not be manipulated by tears, or anger, or frustration.   I'm determined to keep my focus where it needs to be, on working with my ex to raise my children.  I want to place an emotional shield around myself.  I was given a spiritual shield on the day of my daughter's homecoming.  Now I need to build an emotional one for myself during the rest of the time.  I can't expect the Lord to intervene for me at every instance.  I need to wrap my head around what is going on around me with my ex and deal with it.  That's what the Lord expects and that's what I'm committing to do.  I expect to make progress.

Maybe you have had similar feelings.  I know I'm not the only one to dealing with this.  Maybe we can join together to build emotional strength so that no matter what they say, we don't get knocked off our game.

Are you with me brothers and sisters?

Let's move on!