Let me preface this by saying that I recognize that there exists within the human heart, a natural desire for men and women to come together to form unions. This is quite right. It's part of God's plan of happiness. "The man is not without the woman neither the woman without the man in the Lord." My oldest daughter just got married and my second daughter is not far behind. I couldn't be more happy for them.
I also was married for a long time and though my road was rocky, I am so glad for what I learned from the experience and of course, what I got in return, which were six incredible children.
I am now single whether I like it or not. Despite my own hardship and after having gone through the pain of divorce, I have not lost faith in marriage, and it is my sincere hope to find the right partner someday and I am working on that.
What I want to focus on now is my single reality. What about my life now? Does it still have as much value as before? Can I still experience the same joy and fulillment? Well, apart from finding the ultimate partner in life, I do believe that you can have substantial joy and fulfillment as a single person.
In the here and now, I have been blessed beyond measure. I believe that over time, I have come to accept my life the way it is with its' challenges and opportunities. I believe that the time I'm living in now is a special time. It's a time of healing and preparation and hope. Yes, I do get lonely and yes there is still pain, but overall I would have to say I am in a tremendously good position and it keeps getting better for me.
Here are some examples of the good things that have happened for me since I became single.
First, I am free. I am free from the enormous pressure of trying to make something work when that something was not wanted by the person I was with. That kind of pressure is a very heavy cross to bear and takes a toll on you both physically and emotionally. When you compound that pressure over many years, it becomes almost unbearable. Being released from that kind of weight is, in and of itself, a tremendous relief. As a result of being set free, I am stronger physically, spritually, and emotionally than I was two years ago and it keeps getting better on all fronts.
Second, being single has only enhanced my relationship with God. I have continued to rely heavily on Him for my support. Because of my unique needs, I feel that I can approach the Lord for special help in my circumstances and with my children and in my career and in all other aspects of my life. When I am in need of comfort, I go directly to Him and I receive the assurance I need. Never has he left me alone but has given me the strength I need and the inspiration to do great things.
Third, my relationships are enriched and enhanced. As a single person I have been able to spend so much more meaningful time with my family including my parents and siblings. They felt I was gone for all those married years, and indeed I was to a great extent, because 99% of my time and effort was spent on maintaining a fragile marriage and setting a foundation for my children. There was little room for anything else. I have an even better relationship with my children now than I did before because I am more free to be who I am with them and to let them be who they are. Several of my children have made this observation. They feel closer to me. My children also enjoy a much more rich and beautiful relationship with my parents and my brothers and sisters. That is an eternal blessing that they will come to appreciate more and more as time passes.
I have also have had the precious blessing of meeting incredible friends, My life has been touched by so many wonderful individuals who I never would have met had I not been single. Even the dates and relationships I have had, have provided me with great healing, learning, and inspiration. Hopefully I have contributed something positive to their lives as well. I have met many other travelers on this road who have gone through something similar. We have a bond now because we know similar pains and have fought similar battles. I'm a believer that we are part of each other's lives for a reason and that reason is to lift and help one another.
Fourth, I have more freedom to pursue and develop my talents. Because, as I mentioned before, I was constantly working so hard on the home front, I barely had time for many years to do anything that I wanted to do to develop my talents in the areas I'm passionate about. I started to work on them a few years previous to the divorce, but now I feel that I am unfettered and am enjoying even greater opportunities to develop and enjoy success. There is enormous satisfaction in life from finding something you love to do and working to get better at it. Now I can do that without any of the restrictions I felt before.
Lastly, I feel as though being a divorced single person has given me a new and unique understanding and love of so many people who have suffered. I feel that it is part of my life mission to travel this divorced single path for at least a while, however long I must. I believe that it has been necessary for my spiritual development and I believe that I agreed to take on this challenge before coming to this earth. I now have eyes to see and ears to hear and love to give that I did not have in as much abundance as I do now.
So, fellow single people, and people anywhere reading this blog whatever your marital status is, enjoy your life and the richness it offers. Take the beauty in any circumstance. Look to God and live. He will make much more out of our lives than we can. Just remember.
