It's been quite a while since I've written here. It's about time that I did.
It feels like I've done enough living in the past 3 years since the divorce to equal 10. I have transitioned into singlehood from being a married father for 23 years. I have sent two of my daughters on missions. Two of my daughters are now married. I'm now a grandfather. I've been laid off twice from jobs but have rebounded. I lost a wife. I lost a home. I lost a life that could have been. Since then, I have dated much and have experienced relationships. I have been privileged enough to love again but have been moved in other directions. This was not easy for me. I have lived much, loved much, fought much, conquered much, suffered much, cried much, laughed much, have grown much.
Like Jacob says in the Book of Mormon, "the time passed away with us, and also our lives passed away like as it were a dream, we being a lonesome and solemn people, wanderers, cast out..."
I could have never imagined this path that I am now walking, yet I can look at myself in the mirror and respect. My path has not been smooth. I have not walked the easy road. There have been many thorns and noxious weeds. My path did not offer me a supportive spouse with understanding eyes, but that lack kept me close to and relying on the Lord. I have become a different person over time with layers of understanding embedding themselves in my marrow.
I have come to know this. I cannot see much of what lies ahead, but I keep walking. I see the road just a little in front, yet, I keep seeking for a better country, not having received of the promises but seeing them afar off, but being persuaded of them. (Hebrews 11)
Revelation works like this. You are given a little; you follow that light. Then you are given a little more light and you follow it. You go as far as the light leads. Sometimes you follow the light down a path that you think will lead you to a certain destination or outcome. You make plans. You dream dreams, but then light tells you to stop. You have gone far enough on that road. Now you need to take a different road. Can you be flexible enough to accept the truth and follow the light still, even when it takes you in a direction you didn't anticipate or desire? I hope so. We must be willing to give up what we thought was so good for us and follow the path that the Lord has laid out for us. We must do this even if others don't understand. I can't tell you how many times my desired path and the path the Lord has offered me have not matched. I have had to humble myself many times and and seek the guidance and comfort of the spirit in order to be able to have the strength to accept the will of the Lord for me in my life. I have had to accept trials and hurts that I did not choose by my actions. These have been trials that were born in me or that were thrust upon me by life and foolish choices of others. I have had to accept my reality but envision a greater reality to come. I am still seeking that "better country" and I pray that God will not be ashamed to call himself my God.
The question is, will we keep seeking the light? Will we continue to learn what the Master has for us, being "willing to submit" like a little child to his father? Or will our hearts turn dark?
My blessing says that I knew what was going to take place in my life and that I agreed to it. Wouldn't that be true for all of us?
Blessings my brothers and sisters. Upward and onward!
Thursday, September 29, 2016
Sunday, June 5, 2016
True Friends are Like Gold
The other day I found myself driving in Provo, Utah. I was looking for a school. I had been to this school at least a dozen times over the years. They are a customer of mine. I'm in educational sales and have been for years. As I was driving, somehow I took a wrong turn and got myself all twisted around. I turned onto a street that lead me into an apartment complex. Actually there were a couple of complexes crowded together and soon I came to a dead end. As I came to the end of the street I realized that this area looked very familiar to me. Yes, it was next to a railroad track and it was the last apartment at the end of the row. Suddenly I realized that I was in the same place I started out in with my new wife 26 years ago. I was looking at the first apartment that we had lived in together and a flood of memories came back of those early years as a newly married couple. It felt surreal. This was a place where a new life and new dreams had begun. New lessons were being taught to me and I had felt that I was on the brink of a new adventure and the beginning of building a new kingdom that would last forever. That all changed of course many years later, but it's ok. I'm ok. Life redirected can be even more beautiful.
Prominent in those memories was another young couple that lived just across from us directly. You could open our door, walk about 8 feet and be at their door. They were literally the first young married couple we had met and little by little we became great friends. The husband became like another brother. He was just like my own brothers, full of fun, and jokes, and outrageousness. His wife was pretty, intelligent, compassionate and also easy to tease, which I did often because she was one of those people who knew all kinds of facts that you would never expected she would. She could give you detailed instructions on how to install an air conditioner for example and she would go ahead and tell you without hesitation.
We spent a good deal of time hanging out with our first friends. We used to watch the Simpsons with them. We went to church with them every week. We shared meals together and we even went on a trip with them to visit his family up in Idaho to go river rafting. We didn't live a long time as their neighbors, probably less than a year, but it was enough to keep them in our hearts all this time.
Sometimes when you go through a crisis or trauma in life, you find out who your friends truly are. This is true especially when it comes to divorce, but it can be any kind of trauma that you go through. A terrible experience will separate the wheat from the chaff in your life in terms of your friends. Some who you thought were so solid and who you loved, will turn from you in the time of your need. It's sad, but true. There are others, like my first married friends, who will stick by you forever. They don't care whether you have money or not, whether you're married or not, whether you're black, white, brown, or yellow. They accept you for who you are and will stick by you always. They will believe you. They will validate you.
Those are the kind of friends whose worth is greater than gold. It is so important to recognize them in our lives. They don't come around everyday and I believe that our Heavenly Father helps our paths cross at critical times in life so that we can be there for each other and help each other grow. Some may think that everything in life is random, but I do not. I think God cares enough about us even to send us friends to help us along on our journeys in this life. My advice is to accept every good gift. All good things come from God and you can never put a price on true friendship.
Recently, my first married friends were in town and they called me. They were only going to be around for a short time. I wanted to see them so I put off the dance I was going attend and the movie I was going to see and went and met them at a local restaurant. I was well rewarded for my time as we talked, ate onion rings, and laughed and laughed about old memories. We got all caught up on our current lives and families. I left feeling uplifted and loved. You can't put a price on those feelings either and when this life is over, we will still be friends. Honestly, is there any amount of money that would compensate us for the worth of a true friend? I think not.
So the moral of this story is this: True friends are like gold. Treat them as such. Remember that what you send out in this world comes back to you. This is true of good friends. This I know.
Upward and onward.
Prominent in those memories was another young couple that lived just across from us directly. You could open our door, walk about 8 feet and be at their door. They were literally the first young married couple we had met and little by little we became great friends. The husband became like another brother. He was just like my own brothers, full of fun, and jokes, and outrageousness. His wife was pretty, intelligent, compassionate and also easy to tease, which I did often because she was one of those people who knew all kinds of facts that you would never expected she would. She could give you detailed instructions on how to install an air conditioner for example and she would go ahead and tell you without hesitation.
We spent a good deal of time hanging out with our first friends. We used to watch the Simpsons with them. We went to church with them every week. We shared meals together and we even went on a trip with them to visit his family up in Idaho to go river rafting. We didn't live a long time as their neighbors, probably less than a year, but it was enough to keep them in our hearts all this time.
Sometimes when you go through a crisis or trauma in life, you find out who your friends truly are. This is true especially when it comes to divorce, but it can be any kind of trauma that you go through. A terrible experience will separate the wheat from the chaff in your life in terms of your friends. Some who you thought were so solid and who you loved, will turn from you in the time of your need. It's sad, but true. There are others, like my first married friends, who will stick by you forever. They don't care whether you have money or not, whether you're married or not, whether you're black, white, brown, or yellow. They accept you for who you are and will stick by you always. They will believe you. They will validate you.
Those are the kind of friends whose worth is greater than gold. It is so important to recognize them in our lives. They don't come around everyday and I believe that our Heavenly Father helps our paths cross at critical times in life so that we can be there for each other and help each other grow. Some may think that everything in life is random, but I do not. I think God cares enough about us even to send us friends to help us along on our journeys in this life. My advice is to accept every good gift. All good things come from God and you can never put a price on true friendship.
Recently, my first married friends were in town and they called me. They were only going to be around for a short time. I wanted to see them so I put off the dance I was going attend and the movie I was going to see and went and met them at a local restaurant. I was well rewarded for my time as we talked, ate onion rings, and laughed and laughed about old memories. We got all caught up on our current lives and families. I left feeling uplifted and loved. You can't put a price on those feelings either and when this life is over, we will still be friends. Honestly, is there any amount of money that would compensate us for the worth of a true friend? I think not.
So the moral of this story is this: True friends are like gold. Treat them as such. Remember that what you send out in this world comes back to you. This is true of good friends. This I know.
Upward and onward.
Monday, May 30, 2016
Love Comes Back to You
I recently posted some thoughts in a divorce group I'm in on Facebook. I felt good about this message and wanted to save and share it. It is short, but I believe it is very true. Hope you are doing well out there, wherever you are. Blessings to you!
I went to my former niece's mission farewell today. I guess to me, she is still my niece. I wasn't sure that I wanted to stay very long. You know, it's not always so pleasant to be hanging out with your ex and her husband at these kinds of events. Can you feel me? But I have to say, that every time I go to these joint family events, I am treated like royalty by all my kids and all my former in-laws and friends. I felt so good that I ended up staying and reminiscing with them for a long time. It was wonderful. Even my 16 year old son noticed and commented on it. He said, "You know Dad, all of mom's sisters still haven't replaced you. They all still love you 'cause you're a good person." I have to say I loved hearing that and feeling that, especially from my son. It reminded me of this scripture in the Book of Mormon.
Alma 41:14
14 Therefore, my son, see that you are merciful unto your brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall ye receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again.
15 For that which ye do asend out shall return unto you again, and be restored
14 Therefore, my son, see that you are merciful unto your brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall ye receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again.
15 For that which ye do asend out shall return unto you again, and be restored
I believe this scripture doesn't just pertain to the next life. It pertains to this one. I told my son. "If you treat people right and love them, then it will come back to you later, when you need it." This is a true principle.
Not everything happens immediately in this world. We are not always rewarded quickly for loving others. Offenders don't always have evil restored to them quickly either, but I have lived long enough to see the restoration of good and evil come to folks. It just does.
I am blessed that relationships that I forged over decades reward me in the present. This will accelerate throughout our lives and will culminate on the other side. Never think it is vain to serve God. Those who keep the commandments are the happiest people on this earth and will be also rewarded ten times more in the future.
I know that not everyone's former in-laws are nice or accepting, but love will win out for the righteous in the end. Never weary of loving others. Love is its' own reward. You will see it and feel it in this life. Don't forget.
Just some thoughts to share with you on a Sunday evening. Blessings to you all!
Monday, May 2, 2016
Revelation to Each One of Us
I've been asking some questions of late, questions that keep coming to my mind. I've been casting them up to Heaven, letting them echo and reverberate back down to me and throughout the universe. The questions are not really new. I've been asking them for years. I've gotten little hints of answers here and there. Little packets of information have been sent to me that seem to sink in more and more as I continue to experience life. One day all the little packets will add up to a perfect brightness and my understanding will be complete. That's how revelation from God works. It is scriptural.
Isaiah 28:10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little:
Even with all the prophets, the pattern is the same. They are given knowledge in the time they need and as a response to sincere and earnest prayer. We are no different from them in this regard and we are entitled to revelation from God just as much as anyone else. The key to revelation is this, we must ask with all sincerity without attempting to hide anything from God. We can't pretend with him. We cannot trifle with sacred things. We cannot expect answers from Him on a whim and we must absolutely be willing to listen and act on the knowledge we receive. If we follow that simple pattern, our knowledge will grow unto a perfect day and we will one day return to live in His presence.
Many times the problem is not with our prayers. It lies with our willingness to listen and act. We want God's answers to fit what we want, not necessarily what He wants for us. That's the difference between a true disciple and one who has not yet made the commitment. A true disciple is willing to make whatever change in his or her personal life the Lord wants. They will take a different job, give up an ingrained habit, move to another place, talk to people they have never met, suffer rejection by others, suffer illness, give up former friends, former lifestyles, join a misunderstood church. The list goes on and can be unique to each individual. Why would a person be willing to do such difficult things? It is simply because they see something beautiful that is not of this world and they desire it more than anything else.
Hebrews 11: 16 But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.
As my imperfect path of discipleship has continued over the course of my life, I have worried at times that my mission on this earth has been interrupted or that my promised blessings would not come to pass, especially because of my divorce. Divorce is not God's way. It is not His plan for His children. Unfortunately a divorce was inevitable for me. There was no way to stop it. I fought it for a long time and would not give up trying to save my marriage despite all.
Finally after I had done everything and had laid it all upon the altar before God in my prayers, I heard the thought come into my mind, "It's time for you to let go and follow My plan now, son." I heard the message clearly and it felt right in my mind and in my heart. That's when I was finally able to let go. There was another path for me and it had all been planned out.
As I have had time to reflect, I have come to believe and know that my path has all been foreknown by God. My divorce was previously known and planned for. It was not allowed to happen in order to stop my progress and my promised blessings from coming to me. There has been no detour from my life mission and path. My unexpected trials have been part of my plan and I believe, an essential one. I never left my walk with God though I have walked imperfectly. It's still my plan. It's still my path. I'm still moving in the right direction. That growing understanding has meant the world to me.
I feel much more at peace now as time has passed and God has opened up little by little a greater view of my past, present, and future. I have come to this knowledge not through a vision or dream but by small packets of inspiration that have come to me over time as I have striven to follow the path of discipleship.
He will do that for all of us if we learn to see with our spiritual eyes and hear with our spiritual ears, and let our hearts be softened instead of hardened in our trials.
This I believe and I hope you do too.
Upward and onward my brothers and sisters.
Isaiah 28:10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little:
Even with all the prophets, the pattern is the same. They are given knowledge in the time they need and as a response to sincere and earnest prayer. We are no different from them in this regard and we are entitled to revelation from God just as much as anyone else. The key to revelation is this, we must ask with all sincerity without attempting to hide anything from God. We can't pretend with him. We cannot trifle with sacred things. We cannot expect answers from Him on a whim and we must absolutely be willing to listen and act on the knowledge we receive. If we follow that simple pattern, our knowledge will grow unto a perfect day and we will one day return to live in His presence.
Many times the problem is not with our prayers. It lies with our willingness to listen and act. We want God's answers to fit what we want, not necessarily what He wants for us. That's the difference between a true disciple and one who has not yet made the commitment. A true disciple is willing to make whatever change in his or her personal life the Lord wants. They will take a different job, give up an ingrained habit, move to another place, talk to people they have never met, suffer rejection by others, suffer illness, give up former friends, former lifestyles, join a misunderstood church. The list goes on and can be unique to each individual. Why would a person be willing to do such difficult things? It is simply because they see something beautiful that is not of this world and they desire it more than anything else.
Hebrews 11: 16 But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.
As my imperfect path of discipleship has continued over the course of my life, I have worried at times that my mission on this earth has been interrupted or that my promised blessings would not come to pass, especially because of my divorce. Divorce is not God's way. It is not His plan for His children. Unfortunately a divorce was inevitable for me. There was no way to stop it. I fought it for a long time and would not give up trying to save my marriage despite all.
Finally after I had done everything and had laid it all upon the altar before God in my prayers, I heard the thought come into my mind, "It's time for you to let go and follow My plan now, son." I heard the message clearly and it felt right in my mind and in my heart. That's when I was finally able to let go. There was another path for me and it had all been planned out.
As I have had time to reflect, I have come to believe and know that my path has all been foreknown by God. My divorce was previously known and planned for. It was not allowed to happen in order to stop my progress and my promised blessings from coming to me. There has been no detour from my life mission and path. My unexpected trials have been part of my plan and I believe, an essential one. I never left my walk with God though I have walked imperfectly. It's still my plan. It's still my path. I'm still moving in the right direction. That growing understanding has meant the world to me.
I feel much more at peace now as time has passed and God has opened up little by little a greater view of my past, present, and future. I have come to this knowledge not through a vision or dream but by small packets of inspiration that have come to me over time as I have striven to follow the path of discipleship.
He will do that for all of us if we learn to see with our spiritual eyes and hear with our spiritual ears, and let our hearts be softened instead of hardened in our trials.
This I believe and I hope you do too.
Upward and onward my brothers and sisters.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
The Definition of Success
I am a very motivated person by nature. When I was young I relished the opportunity to participate in sports and experienced some great success. I was driven and competitive. In my adult life, I'm a salesman. I carry a quota. I'm compensated on how I perform against a goal. I have lots of interests and am always trying to find a new niche to be successful in. I'm always pushing myself to achieve something more.
But what is it that I'm actually striving for? How will I know when I'm truly successful?
If I look at myself in the worldly way, my record is mixed. I've had some successes and some serious setbacks, and to be honest, my setbacks have come in the areas that I most desperately wanted to succeed in.
Here are some examples:
1. Sports career: Ended for health reasons in the 10th grade. Never able to reach my full potential.
2. Mission. Was sick the whole time and experienced serious challenges to my faith and testimony.
3. Marriage. Ended in divorce after 23 years and six children.
I could go on about my setbacks but I don't want to. How would it help? If I look again at those same setbacks I can find enormous success..
1. Sports Career. Learned to drive forward to reach difficult goals. Learned the value of teamwork.
2. Mission. Learned compassion and love for different kinds of people. Learned to not be so hard on myself.
3. Marriage. Became a father of 6 incredible human beings who have brought great love and joy to my life.
How would you judge my success based on these observations?
Well, if you look at what I value most which is my relationship with God, my family, and my own consistent progress, I can say I have done well. I am, what I would consider, a success.
When I look around me, there will always be people who seem to be more successful. They may be more financially rewarded, they may be better tennis players, they may have solid and loving marriages, they may have this and that and the list could go on and on.
The conditions on this earth are never exactly the same for any of us. We have our own unique personalities, our own unique strengths and weaknesses. Also, our opportunities vary as well.
Here's another example:
There are two salesmen that work for ABC company. Salesman #1 has an incredible year. He blows out his number. Salesman #2 works hard but comes up short, 5% below his number for that same year. Does logic dictate that salesman #1 is automatically more successful? Not necessarily. A lot has to do with circumstances, individual conditions in their territories, funding etc. etc.
What really counts for us as it relates to true success is what we do with what we are given. That's what the Lord will judge us on. What did I do with the hand I've been dealt? We each have opportunities no matter what setbacks we have suffered. What are we going to do now with those opportunities?
In many ways, divorce from a difficult and painful marriage is in reality, a fantastic opportunity to reinvent, rebuild, and to do things we could never do before.
Would I have ever have written this blog if it weren't for my divorce? Would I have ever met the hundreds of beautiful people I've met now, if I had stayed in my difficult marriage? The answer is no and the real truth is that I am successful and so are you if you choose to see it and you choose to make it a reality.
Let's make it a reality. Define what is truly important and go for it. There is no question that we will all be successful.
But what is it that I'm actually striving for? How will I know when I'm truly successful?
If I look at myself in the worldly way, my record is mixed. I've had some successes and some serious setbacks, and to be honest, my setbacks have come in the areas that I most desperately wanted to succeed in.
Here are some examples:
1. Sports career: Ended for health reasons in the 10th grade. Never able to reach my full potential.
2. Mission. Was sick the whole time and experienced serious challenges to my faith and testimony.
3. Marriage. Ended in divorce after 23 years and six children.
I could go on about my setbacks but I don't want to. How would it help? If I look again at those same setbacks I can find enormous success..
1. Sports Career. Learned to drive forward to reach difficult goals. Learned the value of teamwork.
2. Mission. Learned compassion and love for different kinds of people. Learned to not be so hard on myself.
3. Marriage. Became a father of 6 incredible human beings who have brought great love and joy to my life.
How would you judge my success based on these observations?
Well, if you look at what I value most which is my relationship with God, my family, and my own consistent progress, I can say I have done well. I am, what I would consider, a success.
When I look around me, there will always be people who seem to be more successful. They may be more financially rewarded, they may be better tennis players, they may have solid and loving marriages, they may have this and that and the list could go on and on.
The conditions on this earth are never exactly the same for any of us. We have our own unique personalities, our own unique strengths and weaknesses. Also, our opportunities vary as well.
Here's another example:
There are two salesmen that work for ABC company. Salesman #1 has an incredible year. He blows out his number. Salesman #2 works hard but comes up short, 5% below his number for that same year. Does logic dictate that salesman #1 is automatically more successful? Not necessarily. A lot has to do with circumstances, individual conditions in their territories, funding etc. etc.
What really counts for us as it relates to true success is what we do with what we are given. That's what the Lord will judge us on. What did I do with the hand I've been dealt? We each have opportunities no matter what setbacks we have suffered. What are we going to do now with those opportunities?
In many ways, divorce from a difficult and painful marriage is in reality, a fantastic opportunity to reinvent, rebuild, and to do things we could never do before.
Would I have ever have written this blog if it weren't for my divorce? Would I have ever met the hundreds of beautiful people I've met now, if I had stayed in my difficult marriage? The answer is no and the real truth is that I am successful and so are you if you choose to see it and you choose to make it a reality.
Let's make it a reality. Define what is truly important and go for it. There is no question that we will all be successful.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
My Growing Satisfaction Since Life Turned
So what else have I learned from my experiences so far post divorce?
A lot.
It's been about 2 and half years now since the divorce. I must say that I'm in a much more peaceful place than before. I'm healthier physically, more at peace emotionally, recovered significantly financially from the trauma suffered. A little time has been my friend. I look back and feel good about how far I've come. I can take a sigh of relief and congratulate myself and thank Heavenly Father for His tender mercies. I'm doing as well as can be expected. I can respect myself. Miles have been traversed.
I used to look at others and see how successful their lives appeared to be. They seemed to float along with no opposition while I was always struggling with so many challenges. "So much more opportunity and reward" I would think to myself. "Why not me?" The red in me drives me on. I was born with it. It's a good thing. But what I've come to realize is that despite all my temporary losses, I've done my best with the opportunities that I've been given. I've made the most of them. That is the definition of success for me. All our circumstances and opportunities are different. That's just the way it is.
One circumstance is that I'm single. There is nothing wrong with being single. It's just not where I want to stay ultimately. I still feel the missing piece of the puzzle since my divorce, but my concept of time and timing has expanded. The urgency has tapered off. My kids have to be considered strongly in the equation. A favorable set of circumstances must be brought into alignment in order for me to have a companion again. All I can do is prepare and wait upon the Lord. I believe he will help me, that he is helping me. I am doing my part. I am not passive. My kids are preparing also. They have adjusted to their lives as children with parents living separately. They are open. They are resilient. When things are right, we will be ready.
I thought for awhile that I couldn't love again, that I would be riding on an endless carousel of meetings but never be able to love or deepen my relationships. I've since learned that there is nothing wrong with my heart.
People ask me why I'm not married already, why I don't have someone. "Surely you're a unicorn!" they say, a divorced LDS man that is still on the path "That's rare" they tell me. "You can have your pick" they tell me. "The odds are all in your favor" they tell me. "You are just too picky."
Well it's not all as easy as they think. I'm a thoughtful one, not given to rushing. I'm also cautious. I've gone through the ultimate rejection. I choose to reject that rejection. It will not define me nor will it stop me from loving again, but it will make me more cautious and more observant than ever I was before. I have a lifetime of experience now and I will use it. I'm interested in something that will last. I'll be darned if I will accept being underappreciated or disrespected again. I have a radar to it now.
In the meantime I work and I raise my kids. I play tennis. I go dancing. I fulfill my callings. I say my prayers. I try to help those around me. I live a productive life.
I will say that as a single man, I don't stay home. I actively date and go to social events. Staying home would be the death of me. I'm not made that way. When I go to these events I don't think about meeting my future wife too much there. I go to have fun and to enrich my life with friends and experiences. I have a choice. If I'm lucky enough to meet someone I'm interested in, I'll pursue it. But for me, to willingly deny myself of these experiences would only depress me and leave me more open to temptation and my own weaknesses. I refuse to do that. It's a part of my life that needs to be nourished just as my physical body needs to be nourished and my spirit needs to be nourished. I believe it is what the Lord expects.
What about you my brothers and sisters? Are you growing as well? Please respond and let us all know. How long has it been and how have you grown since your life turned?
Blessings to all! Upward and onward!
A lot.
It's been about 2 and half years now since the divorce. I must say that I'm in a much more peaceful place than before. I'm healthier physically, more at peace emotionally, recovered significantly financially from the trauma suffered. A little time has been my friend. I look back and feel good about how far I've come. I can take a sigh of relief and congratulate myself and thank Heavenly Father for His tender mercies. I'm doing as well as can be expected. I can respect myself. Miles have been traversed.
I used to look at others and see how successful their lives appeared to be. They seemed to float along with no opposition while I was always struggling with so many challenges. "So much more opportunity and reward" I would think to myself. "Why not me?" The red in me drives me on. I was born with it. It's a good thing. But what I've come to realize is that despite all my temporary losses, I've done my best with the opportunities that I've been given. I've made the most of them. That is the definition of success for me. All our circumstances and opportunities are different. That's just the way it is.
One circumstance is that I'm single. There is nothing wrong with being single. It's just not where I want to stay ultimately. I still feel the missing piece of the puzzle since my divorce, but my concept of time and timing has expanded. The urgency has tapered off. My kids have to be considered strongly in the equation. A favorable set of circumstances must be brought into alignment in order for me to have a companion again. All I can do is prepare and wait upon the Lord. I believe he will help me, that he is helping me. I am doing my part. I am not passive. My kids are preparing also. They have adjusted to their lives as children with parents living separately. They are open. They are resilient. When things are right, we will be ready.
I thought for awhile that I couldn't love again, that I would be riding on an endless carousel of meetings but never be able to love or deepen my relationships. I've since learned that there is nothing wrong with my heart.
People ask me why I'm not married already, why I don't have someone. "Surely you're a unicorn!" they say, a divorced LDS man that is still on the path "That's rare" they tell me. "You can have your pick" they tell me. "The odds are all in your favor" they tell me. "You are just too picky."
Well it's not all as easy as they think. I'm a thoughtful one, not given to rushing. I'm also cautious. I've gone through the ultimate rejection. I choose to reject that rejection. It will not define me nor will it stop me from loving again, but it will make me more cautious and more observant than ever I was before. I have a lifetime of experience now and I will use it. I'm interested in something that will last. I'll be darned if I will accept being underappreciated or disrespected again. I have a radar to it now.
In the meantime I work and I raise my kids. I play tennis. I go dancing. I fulfill my callings. I say my prayers. I try to help those around me. I live a productive life.
I will say that as a single man, I don't stay home. I actively date and go to social events. Staying home would be the death of me. I'm not made that way. When I go to these events I don't think about meeting my future wife too much there. I go to have fun and to enrich my life with friends and experiences. I have a choice. If I'm lucky enough to meet someone I'm interested in, I'll pursue it. But for me, to willingly deny myself of these experiences would only depress me and leave me more open to temptation and my own weaknesses. I refuse to do that. It's a part of my life that needs to be nourished just as my physical body needs to be nourished and my spirit needs to be nourished. I believe it is what the Lord expects.
What about you my brothers and sisters? Are you growing as well? Please respond and let us all know. How long has it been and how have you grown since your life turned?
Blessings to all! Upward and onward!
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