Sunday, January 7, 2018

The Loss of a Friend

I received a call the other day from a female friend of mine.  I couldn't understand her at first.  Her voice was elevated.  She was talking rapidly with a mixture of panic and grief.  I finally got her to calm down enough so that I could understand what she was saying.

Through tears and weeping, she told me that another single friend of ours, a single mother, had taken her own life and also the life of her nine year old daughter.  Both bodies had been lying in their home for days, their spirits long gone.

I sat in utter shock.  Not knowing what to say.  This was not something that I ever expected to hear.  I had known this single mother for awhile.  I knew from what she had shared with us all that she had her struggles both financial and emotional but at the same time, she was fun, attractive and full of enthusiasm.

I had discovered in my time knowing her that this single mom and I had something in common.  We both loved to sing.  We had spent some time together at a birthday party singing our guts out to a karaoke machine.  I thought I was pretty decent until she got up.  Her voice was rich and full and powerful.  She had a real talent and everyone at the party just loved listening to her.

I had associated with her here and there.  She was part of our singles group.  I felt and still do feel like we are all part of a family of people in a similar situation.  Many of us had not anticipated being single at this time in our lives.  We come together to have fun, make friends, and to support one another.  Occasionally one of us will pair off and move on to the next stage of life with a partner.  We celebrate with them when this happens.

This single mom had every reason to have hope in a good future.  Of course she had her challenges just like we all do, but she was young and full of talents and had a wonderful nine year old daughter. I met some of her family members at a candlelight vigil that we held for her.  They described this woman as nothing like the person that acted out in such an incomprehensible way.  They loved this dear sister. They told wonderful and entertaining stories about her.  They described her as a loving and kind human being.

What could have possessed her to to commit such a desperate act?  What could have been going on in her head? Didn't she know that she was loved by many?

The short version of the story is that this single mother struggled for years with mental illness.  She had been diagnosed.  Some of her family believed that this mental illness combined with medication she was on after a recent surgery and the difficulties she had been experiencing in her personal life combined to break her psyche.  I think that they are probably correct in their assessment.

This sudden loss has reverberated like a shockwave throughout our whole singles community.  We were all floored.  Some reacted in righteous indignation for the waste of life and the barbarism committed against an innocent child.  Others held their heads in their hands and just wept.  Some did a little of both.  Both of these reactions are perfectly understandable.

What I decided to do is to reserve my judgement on this single mother.  Thankfully I am not her judge.  I don't want to be.  Was her act wrong?  Of course it was.  In no way was it justifiable.  Was she suffering mentally and emotionally?  Certainly.  Was she thinking clearly on that fateful day?  Certainly not.

What I do know is that the Savior knows the whole story in perfect crystal clarity.  He knows all the variables, including all the circumstances surrounding the event, the life history of the person involved, the mental and emotional state and a thousand other factors.  I am so glad that he can administer perfect justice and mercy.  I have complete faith that he is handling the situation in exactly the right way.

What is very clear to me is that I lost a friend and a sister.  Her life was precious.  She was a daughter of God.  She made my life better by knowing her.  Her loss is a great one and it affects hundreds if not thousands of people.  Should we not mourn for the loss of our friend?  Should we not pray for her eventual healing and recovery?  Should we not mourn for the child?  At least we know that she is in a great place to meet her maker.  She is innocent and pure.

I look forward to someday understanding completely the justice and mercy of our Lord.  I am so grateful that I am in my right mind to understand and appreciate the blessings that I have in my own life.  I don't suffer from mental illness, thankfully.

We need to understand that we are all children of God, and not only that, that we are all connected to each other as brothers and sisters.  Each of our lives affects each other.  If we could see with spiritual eyes, we would see the ties that bind us together.  We would be able to see the ripple effects of our actions on each other for both good and evil.

My message is this.  We need to notice each other. We need to love each other.  We need to reach out to one another and if we ever come to the point where we think we would be better off not on this planet, we need to think again.  We need to reach out to our God and our friends and family here on earth.  Our lives are valuable.  We need to keep moving forward both loving and serving each other until our Heavenly Father calls us home.

Right now I wish to make a promise to you. I promise that I will wait and serve until I'm called home to the God who gave me life. I will not check out early.  I will serve with you as your brother and will mourn with you when you mourn.  I will comfort you when you stand in need of comfort.  Will you do the same for me?

We love and miss our friend.  I pray for her and her family.  I wish to witness her healing by divine hands.  I know you wish the same.

Blessings to you all my friends.  We are all part of the same family.