Sunday, November 5, 2017

Speak No Evil of the Lord's Annointed

There was a time in my life when I was very young and idealistic; a time when I thought that there was nothing that could stop me.  I was energetic.  I believed all things and hoped all things.  I still do, or course, but I've grown up since then.

I know much better how the Lord works now.  I get how he lets us struggle for our own good.  I know how he doesn't look at pain and challenge the same way we do.  I have a much better attitude about life's injustices now, though I admit that I do not relish those experiences when they happen to me.  I do see their value down the line.  Sometimes it takes years, but I do learn.

I had an experience when I was young and zealous.  At the time I didn't understand in the way that I do now, human frailty and weakness.  In my world, all church leaders should have been gifted, understanding and inspirational and I guess in a perfect world, they still would be.  But we do not live in that perfect world.  We live in the world of good and evil and varying shades of gray.

In my young state, I happened upon a church leader who rubbed me wrong.  Without going into detail, I felt like this leader made all the wrong decisions.  I felt like he did not connect with me or have any understanding of who I was.  I felt like this leader favored the disobedient and elevated their status.  When I went to this leader for help, he did not have anything to offer.  I felt at the time that the Lord had abandoned me and that he had left me alone and sick and in a foreign land.

My hurt began to compound.  One thought led to another and to another and I began to doubt all the leaders in my church.  Bitterness began to grow in my breast and I soon began to question the sacred testimony that had been given to me as a child and that I had nurtured in my youth.  I felt darkness begin to creep in and it scared me.  In my dark moments I cried out to God and pleaded for him not to let me fall.

As I look back on it now, I realize that the Lord did hear and answer my prayers.  He sent me friends who lightened my heart and helped to distract me from the darkness.  He taught me a new way to live and perceive life and my fellow human beings.  In short, he taught me to love.

You see, I was like a young colt back then.  I was full of strength and potential, but I was inexperienced.  I was good but was on a path that was not completely the right one.  Had I continued, I could have grown in arrogance and pride.  I would not have developed the love that I carry now.  In short, I would have lost out.  The Lord in his mercy broke me.  I needed to be broken and a new foundation laid that would lead me to greater love and happiness than I was then capable of understanding or accepting.  What happened to me was merciful.  I needed it.  I do not now question the Lord regarding this experience.  I thank him for it.

This leader I spoke of, though not perfect, was a good man.  He had sacrificed a lot to serve as my leader.  No, he did not possess all the things that I thought were important, but he was doing his best.  Had I been more humble at the time, I could have learned from him.  Of course he had talents and experience that I did not have.  Looking back now, I could have helped him be more successful by sustaining and supporting him instead of reacting in anger and outrage at what I perceived were faults and mistakes.  I would have been happier myself, had I taken that tact.  But I was young then.  I didn't know what I didn't know.  I needed to be broken and I thank my Heavenly Father that he loved me enough to break me and rebuild me.  I believe I am a better person now and I believe that what happened was a divine tutorial provided to me by a loving Heavenly Father.

Are you experiencing a divine tutorial yourself?  I believe this life and all that we experience is just that, and that if we do not turn away in our bitterness, that all our wounds will be bound up and healed and all our tears turned to gladness.

Love you my brothers and sisters.