Finding the One. Easy for Some. Hard for Others.

I hear non stop in the circles I'm in on Facebook how gosh darn difficult it is to find a marriage match especially at age 40, 50 and beyond.  Constantly I hear the lamentations of many of us crying out about the injustice and the impossible odds against us of ever finding the right one.  I'm also repeatedly told how easy we men have it and how the odds are all in our favor, and what's wrong with you picky men, waiting for the perfect 10 to arrive who also is spiritual and a great mother and who will love and accept your kids.  It goes on and on and on.

Hey, I get it.  I know where these feelings are coming from.  They come from a place of deep frustration. They come from a place of natural desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves, a place where we experience the ultimate human connection.  I know.  I have these feelings hit me sometimes too. I'm human also.  We all long for that special something that we are missing.  We were designed this way.  I've been divorced for awhile now, but the reality is that whether you've been divorced a month or fifteen years, you still have the same feelings.  You still want what you want. You still have a desire for that connection.

I went to a fireside tonight and the young charismatic speaker told us all that we need to be doing more to find "the one."  His point was that we need to do the work in order to attract the right kind of partner in our lives.  Well, ok.  I guess that could be true for some of us.  Some people do need to get out of their comfort zones, leave their fear and self pity behind and get in the game.  He told the story of how he experienced a short marriage of 3 years and then was left by his wife for his best friend.  He then spent a year on his own, single, before being set up with the girl of his dreams and marrying her and having beautiful children with her.   He said he went the extra mile and worked hard to prepare himself to meet his future wife and then she just appeared.

To be honest, I'm very happy for the young man.  I don't begrudge him in any way.  It's terrific that he was blessed to find his eternal mate.  I think I will blessed in that way someday too and so will all of us who desire it.  But what I would have said, had I been giving the talk is that we can't control how and when blessings like that come.  I learned a long time ago that I am not in charge down here, the Lord is.  I could work all day and night thinking of nothing but finding my future wife.  The reality is that this kind of thinking could actually do the opposite for me instead of producing the desired results.

I suppose if I really wanted to, I could convince some unsuspecting woman to marry me.  I think there might be one or two that I might be able to talk into it. But just because you can do something, does that mean you should?  I have lived long enough and have had enough experience in life to know that it's much better to be happily single than in a torturous relationship or marriage.  I won't stand for that.  I'm not a masochist.  I'll live with my loneliness albeit it bitter at times, but much more fulfilling than the aforementioned alternative.

The truth is that the Lord is in charge of how and when he will bless us and with which type of blessings.  I cannot force him to send the girl of my dreams to my doorstep until he is good and ready and if I know anything, he expects me to be out there doing something and not just waiting around.  I will not marry again until I know that it is right and that my life will be better than it is now in my single state.  Remember, there are much worse things than being single.

If I had been giving the talk, I would have taken a different tact.  I would say this.  Live your life the best you can.  Live in the now and rejoice in the blessings of the present.  Learn, love and serve all those around you.  Accept the present reality and enjoy all the advantages it provides.  This period is temporary.  Now is the time to prepare to meet God.  The Lord will lead us the way we need to go.  Learn to be still and listen to Him.  Pray for the strength to face your challenges and to carry your burdens.  Sooner or later, the Lord will bless each one of us with a spouse again if that is truly our
desire.

Working harder to find a spouse is not the answer for me.  I already work hard.  I don't need to work harder.  What I need is to serve and wait upon the Lord for his perfect timing to align.  Until that time comes, I will do my best to keep raising my children in righteousness, to serve my family, friends and ward members.  I will work to overcome my weaknesses and to develop my talents.  When the Lord finally helps me make that connection with someone special, no one will be more ecstatic and joyful than me.  That I can assure you of.

Let's do what we can now, brothers and sisters.  Let's not wait until that glorious day when we meet our future spouse.  If we aren't happy single, why do you think we will somehow become happy married?  Happiness is a choice.  Let's make that choice and live.  Let's choose love and happiness right here, right now.

Blessings to you all!