Looking for the One

Okay guys, it's been a long time now since I been writing this blog.  Those of you who've followed me on my journey here, have witnessed me take many steps, sometimes painful ones, towards healing.   I'm honestly in a good place now for the most part emotionally.  I've dealt with many demons and I'm still standing.  I have hope and I have no doubt that I will completely rebuild my life, except this time I will build it better than I did before. Because I've experienced plenty of pain along this life journey, I will be prepared to receive greater joy.  This joy will include a new partner.  I know my joy cannot be complete without one.  I also know that  having that partner is essential to my eternal destiny.

But herein lies the challenge.  I cannot exactly control this process.  Oh sure, I could run out and find someone who would agree to marry, but I'm not just looking for just anyone.  I've already seen what can happen in an unhappy marriage.  I will do my best this time to pick better.  I do not regret marrying my first wife despite all that happened, but I would never wish to repeat the experience. This time I marry for real.  The practice marriage I had is everlastingly over.  The new eternal one is yet to be discovered.

Perhaps I'm not ready for marriage yet.  Most likely the timing is not yet right.  It's got to happen on its' own time.  I don't believe in rushing it or forcing things to happen.  As I tell everyone, I would rather be single by far than to make a poor choice.. Ultimately you can only prepare yourself for the opportunity. You have to be ready when that time comes, when your preparation meets an equal preparation on the part of the other person.

What I fear in the mean time is that I will hurt someone or that I will be hurt, and that is absolutely the last thing I ever want.  I guess that's just part of my personality.  I'm the feeling type to the core. So being in this stage of life carries a little bit of unease.  One of the benefits of marriage is that you get to be out of all that fuzzy, foggy dating reality.  That's why many people tend to be much more productive married.  They no longer have to look and risk.  It provides a stability like nothing else, if the relationship is healthy.

So what does all this mean for me now?  I know I can't live my life being afraid to risk something. I've never been the type to just sit and wait for something good to happen.  That's just passive and passive is not me.  I would rather act than be acted upon.   I may not be able to completely control what happens but I have to be out there doing something  For me, that's a hundred times healthier than the alternative.  Meeting potential partners is just an attempt to find the right match.   It's a good thing, a positive thing.  It's a learning experience.  It's prep work.

When you date someone, you subconsciously agree to open yourself to explore and see if feelings could develop that could lead to something more. You both are putting yourself out there and you could both be hurt. That's just the system we're in and there's nothing we can do about it.  If we don't like it, I guess we don't have to participate, or we could hire someone to do all the thinking for us.  In my experience, that's just not Heavenly Father's plan.  He calculates everything to be a growth experience.  Love grows more with the existence of opposition.

I believe that Heavenly Father puts people in our paths in life so that we can help each other learn and grow.  He doesn't throw our future mates to us everyday.  Maybe he has purposes to accomplish with us in knowing others leading up to the one we will eventually be with.  I think the key is to not worry too much about it and let the Lord take the lead.  The mistake would be, however, to never get into the game, to sit on the sidelines waiting for divine intervention.  That may work for some of us, but I think if I told the Lord I was just going to wait till he sent me that right person, he would just look at me, smile a little, and shake his head.  "That's not how we play this game son.  You know that."  Oh snap!  He got me again!

Whose to say that the Lord isn't leading me right this very second in my dating life, helping me get prepared, accomplishing other purposes in the mean time through my relationships and more?  And I suppose that when I'm finally good and ready, she'll show up and I'll know it.

Just some food for thought for you all.  :)  I hope all is well.




Good night!