When my children leave....

Yesterday I was filled with the spirit.  I was filled with love and contentment.  It was a banner day, a victory day.   I held my children close and blessed each one of them.  I shared words with them; sacred words of love and healing.

Today their mother took them to another city to live.  She took them to live with another man who is not their father.  Who does not know them like I do.  Does not love them like I do.  It's only an hour away from me, but it feels farther.  It's a symbol of what has been destroyed.  An eternal family that should have been.

You see I am my children's father.  I'm not perfect, but I feel they are bonded to me.  I spent so much time with them all their lives.  I got up with each one of them in the night.  I read them stories, played with them, taught them how to ride bikes, hiked with them, coached them, taught them to work.  I taught them the precious gospel.  I taught them who they are.  They are all different with different gifts and talents but all beautiful in such unique ways.

Why do I feel like this?  It's not that far away.  I will still see them every weekend.  They will still go to church with me.  My youngest daughter will still live with me most of the time.  She doesn't want to go to the new school where her mom is moving.  She wants to finish her senior year here.  So I'm here for her so she can do that.  But the loss of having them near me is real.

When I was going through the process, I pleaded with the Lord to intervene for me, to stop this abomination of a divorce.  "Don't let her take my children away from me!  It's not right and should be stopped. Don't let her destroy our eternal bonds!  Take me or her out of this life instead!"  But I knew my pleadings were rash.  How would my children be better off with one of their parents dead? Ridiculous. The pleadings were shouted out in anguish and distress.

But I hold on to this one comfort.  I know I didn't break my covenants, so the promises remain with me. What God ordains cannot be annulled by man except through transgression and I don't intend to transgress.  If I do, I intend to repent real quick.

I must remember that I have my children's love.  None of them has forsaken me and none of them thinks I did wrong.  That is another tender mercy and they are always happy to come see me.

My desire is to rebuild my life.  Get a job that I don't have to travel so much.  Save up enough to buy a new house again.  Get a new companion who will love my children and who could bring that beautiful sense of home and nurture to all of us again.  I would marry her in the temple.  Have my children live with me full time.  Raise them to adulthood.

Those are my dreams, however improbable they may sound.  I know they can and will happen.  At least most of them.  I trust in the Lord and I have come a long way from a year ago.  I cannot control all things, but I can control some things.  I wait upon the timing and will of the Lord to help me rebuild the life that I'm suppose to have.

Thank you my friends and good night.