What I am about to tell you is classified manly information, and if you tell anyone I told you, I will deny it! Yet I am solely responsible for the content of this post so I guess I'll have to live with it if my words come to light in the world.
I do so testify that I, Brett Nielson, do accept any blame for this content and do not speak for all members of my sex.
Tip #1: Stay beautiful! In other words, look your best. Don't blame me for this, I didn't create myself or the male gender. Beautiful women come in all different sizes and flavors. Different men have different tastes, but we all agree, we love beautiful and attractive women. So invest in that. It's worth it. It makes everyone happy and for gosh sakes please be feminine. Femininity is highly prized and desired.
Tip #2: Be strong and independent. We are looking for equal partners. At this stage in life, a man needs a woman to work with him and not just look to be taken care of. Most of us have to pay substantial child support. Divorce has taken a serious toll on many of us financially and we are rebuilding. A woman who can work and contribute that way in a partnership is a huge asset and can relieve huge financial stress. This does not mean we are looking for a woman to support us financially, only to help at this rebuilding phase.
Tip #3: Support us as men. A woman who values the role of men as husbands and fathers and appreciates the sacrifices that we make and can express that appreciation to us is like gold. That kind of validation is so needed and makes us feel like we're worth something.
Tip #4: Let us pursue you. I know it's not fair but it's just the way it is. We are hunters and it works better in our psyche if you let us initiate and pursue you. It's much more rewarding if we have to work a little. This does not mean don't encourage us. Yes please encourage us if you are interested in us. If you don't give back something, then we will stop pursuing, but let us pursue. It's your best chance at success at landing one of us for more than one date.
Tip #5: Don't be too quick with physical affection. Yes, we do want that very much, but don't just jump into it too quickly. Make us work a little for it. We will value it much more if you do. Also, don't let the physical take precedence over everything or we'll start to lose that loving feeling. I don't know why, but it just works that way. Remember, bridle your passion, that you may be filled with love, like the scripture says. This may be surprising to you, but it's true. If you try to commit a man through the use of the physical or sexual, many just lose interest. I know this is counter-intuitive but somehow it's just works out that way. He may be interested in having fun with you but it often doesn't lead to true love or anything long term. The best chance at finding love is to follow the guidelines set forth by the Lord. I believe a full expression of love is only found in legal and lawful marriage. It just is.
Tip #6: Men do however, like to be touched. Back rubs, neck rubs, holding hands, caressing, hugs etc. are all awesome and we love those things.
Tip #7: Have fun. Men like to be active. We like to bond through fun activities.
Tip #8: Don't expect us to read your mind. No, I'm serious. We'll just disappoint you. You've got to be direct and concise about your needs and desires. I know we should get it, but we just don't. You guys are mysterious, so please use your words.
Tip #9: Share your spirituality. A woman's goodness and spirituality are crowning jewels to her and make us admire and even love her. A woman's testimony and faith provide a wonderful foundation and comfort to a man. Truly, your faith is inspiring and makes us want to be our best selves. Do not hide this under a bushel. Let your light so shine. Please.
Is there anything else? Yes, I'm sure there is, but I can't think of anything right now. Feel free to ask me questions and I'm sure my fellow brothers and I can weigh in. You can also challenge me to further explanation, I'm happy to do it. While I am no expert and bumble around in my own dating life, I think these ideas are pretty good. Take them for what they're worth.
Take care and enjoy life!
Upward and onward my fellow survivors!
Excellent tips and recommendations. There is a lot of wisdom here. Let me add a few other points as well.
ReplyDelete1. Work on your spirituality as much as you focus on your physical appearance. Yes, men do notice a woman who is pretty on the outside, but that is only what will initially draw a man to you. What is most important is where you are spiritually. That is what will make a good man want to stay with you.
2. Avoid speaking ill of others. That includes ex spouses, ex mother in laws, former priesthood leaders, your own children, etc. Follow Thumper's advice: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
3. Laugh. Have fun. Enjoy yourself and just relax when you go out. Don't stress out trying to determine if this is "the one" or not. Just enjoy the sunshine and the moment, and be yourself.
4. Be Kind. Men who have gone through a divorce are like wounded soldiers coming home. (Women are too for that matter). We've "been to the front lines" and are weary of drama and fighting and conflict. A kind word or a kind act can touch our hearts.
5. Be patient with us. Some men are ready to make commitments and others are not. Some men will need time to decide if they are ready for anything more than just going out. Some have "touched the stove, and found it burned" so are hesitant to do so again.
6. Communicate Communicate Communicate. Share expectations and thoughts and goals and plans. If you are looking for commitment, and he is not, find out early and then decide if sticking around is a good idea. But like Brett says above, we are not mind readers. Just assume that if you have not told us, then we don't know it. In fact, assume if you have not told us a few times even, we probably won't know. :)
Ok. That's my two cents on a Thursday morning before I start work....Good Luck and God bless! And Thanks Brett for the post!
Awesome Dan! Thanks for adding more light and knowledge! It is appreciated.
DeleteBrett, I'd like to share this :-)
ReplyDeleteDan in the South, #2 is spot on!
You are welcome to share Miss Jane. Be my guest! Blessings!
DeleteCan I share this in the singles group? Lol! Some of my sisters need to dial it down a notch sometimes.
ReplyDeleteOf course. Feel free!
DeleteGreat tips from both Brett and Dan, it's nice to see these things are noticed and are important ..... thanks guys :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Naomi!
DeleteThank You guys for letting me know that what standards I have been trying to keep for all those single years are right.
ReplyDeleteExcellent!
DeleteThese are awesome! It is good advice for our teenage and young adult daughters too!
ReplyDeleteJust a few years ago many people wouldn't even think of dating online, believing that only weird, unattractive, desperate, or extremely shy people used the Net to find dates. Since then, online dating has evolved and is now a mainstream trend among singles. New Jersey singles
ReplyDelete