So two out of three of my girls are getting married this summer. Now, how did that happen? How did I come to this point in life? What happened to the days when they wore adorable little dresses and ribbons and bows in their hair? What happened to reading them books and rocking out to my classic rock tunes in the car on the way to dance class? What happened to telling them stories and listening to their prayers at night? You know, that was all a big part of my life not very long ago. Seriously, it seems like only a couple of days ago and yet here they are all grown up, smiling at me, and telling me they want to take the next step on life's super highway. So hold up now! Wait a second! Back up! That was too quick. I wasn't quite ready for this, but I guess I'm not surprised.
One thing about life is that it always changes. I was telling one of my sons the other day. When you're little, time moves slowly. You can't wait for Christmas. You can't wait for your birthday. You can't wait to get older so that you can do more things, have more privileges. The slowness of time is exasperating. But once you're an adult and you get married and start having kids of your own, time starts moving at warp speed. Pretty soon a decade has passed. Then another. You finally get comfortable being a Dad. It becomes part of your identity and you can never go back. But your little ones, they keep changing. No way to slow it down. No way to reverse it. I used to always tell them to stop growing up.
"Remember that little bob haircut you used to have with the bangs in the front?" I ask one of my daughters.
"Ya, Dad. I'm not 6 anymore." she answers shaking her head a little and smirking.
"Well dang it! I liked that haircut. I told you to stop growing up!" But it's no use. They keep getting older and more beautiful by the day.
Well my girls are still young, but they are of age. Gone are the days when I could make decisions for them or protect them in the same way I used to. My role has changed. I'm now more of an advisor or a life coach, but I'm still their Dad. There is a bond between Dad's and daughters that will never be broken I've been told. I believe it's true if you're a good Dad. At least I know that I never did anything to break that bond with them, so I'm hoping that it will only deepen with time.
I'm hoping that I was the kind of father that only influenced them in them in a positive way and that I was a good model to them of what kind of man to pick to marry. It appears that they have chosen well, so I'm very excited for their future.
I've tried to prepare them for the many challenges of marriage, that no marriage is easy. There are always tests and trials to go through, adjustments and compromises to make. There are pressures from inside and out. It is a relationship that needs to be nurtured and cared for more than any other in order to survive. And I'm hoping that it will not just survive, but thrive. And despite my own experience, I still do believe that the marriage relationship can succeed and provide the greatest joy and contentment possible in life. I've seen this accomplished, but each partner must choose this path. It in no way happens automatically.
I tell my girls that I want them to be equal partners in their marriages. I want them to know their own worth. I want them to use their intelligence, wisdom, and spirit in creating a great relationship and eventually a beautiful eternal family. Yes, I do want grandchildren. Not yet, but eventually. :) My girls need to understand what an equal partnership is. It is not walking in front or behind. It is about walking side by side. They need to carry their own load just as their future husbands need to carry theirs and they need to carry those loads together, make decisions together, and build a future together, as equals.
I also want my girls to remember that their marriage is not only a partnership between spouses, but a partnership with God. I want them to seek wisdom and inspiration from Him always and to have Christ at the center of their lives.
Lastly, I want them to learn from my own marriage. Yes, I'm talking about the one that ended in divorce. I want them to use my experience for their eternal benefit. Whatever they saw good in my marriage, I want them to take with them. Whatever was not, I want them to avoid. They must always remember that they are not destined to repeat the mistakes of their parents. They don't have to follow the divorce cycle. They can choose differently. They have their freedom. They are welcome and encouraged to use my experience to build a stronger and better future with their husbands. All things work together for good for them that love the Lord. So even coming from a divorce can serve to their benefit. It's all up to them. God will turn even the most difficult experiences into a blessing.
These are just a few of the things I've been trying to help my daughters understand before they take that next step into wedded bliss. I'm doing all I can now, but I know that no one can really totally prepare them for marriage. Impossible. It has to be experienced on its own. At least I know they have the foundation for what they need. They have the tools and the support and desire for what a marriage should be and who's to say they won't achieve that. I believe they will.
So after having said all this, there is only one thing left to say:
Bring on the weddings!
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